The back story

I found out I was pregnant in September. A few days after OSU lost to USC. I knew I was. I don't know how, but I did. I took the test anyway. Mr. B was shocked. He couldn't believe it again happened so quickly. But he was excited, and so was I. I had to tell a few people very early on. This wasn't ideal, but my best friends were going to wonder why I wasn't drinking at the wedding. Plus, I could barely stay awake past 8 pm and my morning (all-day) sickness was pretty rough at times.

At 6 weeks or so, we went to Disney World with my parents and Little B. I dressed Little B in a "Big Sister" tshirt to tell my parents. Everybody was excited, and of course I cried.

I was so excited to be mom for a second time. I was scheduled for an ultrasound just before 9 weeks. But a few days before that, I got sick. I don't know if it was food poisoning, or something else. I was in serious pain for about 2 hours. But as soon as that was over, I started to get worried, and the worrying never stopped.

At my appointment, I told both the nurse and doctor that I was nervous and worried. They acted like I was being irrational. Probably because I was. Baby B was measuring just right on the ultrasound. Everything looked perfect. I scheduled my next appointment for the first week of December, took the pictures home, and began the fun process of announcing the news. It was so exciting to tell people that there was another baby on the way. Some people were more excited for us than others, but that didn't matter to me.

But something was still off. We made no preparations. I didn't buy anything for Baby B. I hardly bought any maternity clothes even though I was clearly outgrowing my regular wardrobe. I designed Christmas cards from us announcing Baby B, but I never bought them. I kept thinking I was supposed to have a bigger belly, but I know everybody grows at a different rate. The morning sickness stopped. My appetite didn't seem to be as enormous as it had been. I stopped reading the pregnancy message boards I had been checking earlier. I stopped suggesting names to Mr. B. We didn't look at new furniture or room decorations for the second nursery. It's like I forgot I was pregnant. Turns out, there was good reason for that.