Recovery

Today is Sunday. The ER/D&C debacle was on Wednesday. It's been a rough few days. Luckily my parents have been able to help out. I've been able to talk to a few of my friends on the phone. We've been to two Thanksgivings, so we got to see lots of family. Typing out everything that happened brought tears to my eyes, but it helped to get it out. So I don't have to constantly think about it anymore.

Part of me wants to just tell everybody everything. Will talking about it that much make me feel better? Doubt it. I can burden a couple of my friends, but I think it just makes most people uncomfortable.

Today we put up the Christmas tree. I cried when I got out my "expecting" ornament from 2007. Half happy because I already have Little B. Half sad because we lost Baby B number 2.

I'm still crying a lot. Reading things online? Crying. Seeing things on TV? Crying. Thinking about how I won't have a newborn baby next summer as I thought? Crying.

I can't help but think about trying for another one already. I have to wait at least one cycle. But do I even want to do this? Of course I want another baby. That was the plan all along. But what if this happens again? Can I go through it a second time? Or more? Should I just be thankful that I already have a little one and get on with the rest of my life? I guess this is what recovery is all about. To think about all this. My first follow-up appointment will be right before Christmas. I'm praying for good news (or at least no bad news) so I can enjoy the holiday and look forward to possibly trying for number 2. Again.